Suggestions for New State Mottos

By Germain Johnson

All of our 50 states have a state motto, a wasted effort as no one living in the state has the slightest idea of what it is. Some state mottos go back as far as 1775 (Massachusetts: “By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty”). That may have had a meaning in 1775, but does not ring a bell with recent college graduates who had no idea Massachusetts had a state motto and most don’t know where Massachusetts is located.

State mottos desperately need an upgrade to today’s standards. The following suggestions are offered and hopefully will be enacted.

Massachusetts new mottos should be, “Rommycare is Better Than Obamacare.”

Colorado should change from “Nothing Without Providence” to “For a Real Rocky Mountain High, Try Our Legal Pot.”

Texas should transform from “Friendship” to “You Shouldn’t Outta Cross Our Border” or maybe “Yes, We Speak English.”

A suggestion for Arkansas would be changing from “The People Rule” to “Literacy Ain’t Everything-We Had Bill and Hillary First.”

New Jersey should give careful consideration to eliminating “Liberty and Prosperity” in favor of “Our Governor is Bigger Than Your Governor.”

Iowa and Tennessee could possibility share a common motto. Iowa: “We do Amazing Things With Corn-Ethanol.” Tennessee:  “We do Amazing Things With Corn-Moonshine.”

A popular suggestion for Nevada’s new motto is, “Make Harry Reid go Away.”

Why are so many New Yorkers moving away? Could be it’s their new motto. “Welcome to New York, We’ll Tax You Right.” New York City is changing its motto to “Who the Hell Did We Elect as Mayor!”

Arizona has had its recent share of problems. Perhaps retiring the old motto of “God Enriches” in favor of “You Want an Enchilada With That” will help.

In 1882, Missouri adopted the motto of  “Let the Welfare of the People be the Supreme Law.” An updated version of the motto is “We got Welfare and Obamacare, Come on Over.”

Mississippi, which always seems to find itself in the headlines should adapt to its present situation by changing its motto from “By Valor and Arms,” which no one understood anyway, to “Heck Yea, We Got Electricity and Running Water.”

New Mexico’s motto of  “It Grows as it Goes” was written by an Irishman who made a wrong turn in Colorado and ended up in Albuquerque. The proper motto should be “Try a Rattlesnake for a Pet. It’s Love at First Bite.”

There are other states and other mottos, but we’ll save those for a later date. In the meantime, if you have a good idea to change your state motto, call your governor.

He won’t take your call or even return it but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. What this country really needs is people interacting with their elected officials. Express your views and always remember that dog ticks and politics are just alike, both are parasites.

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