Pigeon droppings: “two” scoops

tsj column writers pigeon droppingsBy Bob Hamill

As the Regal Princess was majestically making her way to the port of Skagway, Alaska, I excitedly entered the Cafe’Del Sol, a cafeteria-style dining room nine decks above the cold Alaska Sea. It has a breath-taking panoramic view of all the magnificent splendor for which the country is noted. A perfect way, I thought, to start the day.

Walking through the food line, there was excited chatter from the passengers discussing their plans of adventure for the day. Near the end of the line appeared an assortment of the best breakfast cereals the world has to offer, Kellogg’s. A favorite of mine even before the hillbillies came to Beverly. There, among the mini boxes of goodies was my very favorite, Kellogg’s Two Scoops Raisin Bran.

Collecting a bowl, a spoon and some skim milk, I commented to my beautiful wife—a stunning blond—that I like to have a banana to the two scoops of big, plump, juicy, delicious raisins that go into each box of Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. We joined some friends we just met on the cruise, exchanged pleasantries and got ready to dig into a hearty breakfast. My wife opted for Kellogg’s Special K. A woman has to watch her figure, you know.

I carefully tore the top of the mini box of Kellogg’s Two Scoops Raisin Bran and separated the waxed bag that locked in the freshness, a miracle of science that keeps the bran flakes crisp and crunchy and the plump juicy raisins moist and tasty. As I got ready to pour the delightful mix of raisins and bran into the waiting bowl, I commented to my charming wife that Kellogg’s has always had more of the plump juicy raisins than their competition.

Then it happened, a tragedy of untold proportions. As the bran flakes tumbled their way into the bowl—seemingly in slow motion—only bran flakes were making their way out of the box. “No,” I yelled, “This can’t be possible!” I must have picked up the wrong box by mistake. There should be a full two scoops in here.” No sooner had the words come out of my mouth than one, sole, solitary, singular, individual plump juicy raisin plopped onto the light bran flakes.

Well, that bright sunny morning in Skagway, I enjoyed my breakfast of Kellogg’s One Raisin – Raisin Bran with a delicious sliced banana. I continue to choose Kellogg’s as my breakfast of choice. After all, one disappointment in a lifetime of excellence is still a darn good record.

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